Destinations
by SecondGuess
Summary: Eden Advanced has reached New Pacifica. A series of first-person vignettes about endings and beginnings. K-M
1. The L Word

a/n: How did they unfreeze Devon? When did they finally complete the trek? Who made the first move, Danziger or Devon? You will find none of those answers here. It's the little things that make someplace home. Thanks, as always, to my beautiful beta, my bellicose, beloved FCB.

* * *

The L Word (Nothing Ventured Nothing Gained)

John Danziger is a cheater. I'm sure of it.

It doesn't seem fair letting True make the calls. She looks all innocent sitting there in his lap, ready for bed in droopy socks and her dad's flannel shirt. Her hair is all tangled…I wonder if she still lets Danziger brush it for her…the big oaf is just _sitting _there, smiling like a dope while his daughter rearranges his hand-like he doesn't have a care in the world! Between Uly and True I have seen every conceivable parental nightmare in _4D _since we crashed onto this miserable planet, and it does not bode well for my damn near immediate future.

Amaryllis? No, sounds like a mean grandmother…Blossom, Camellia…how on earth did Dumbziger come up with _True? _It's kinda weird, most people don't live their lives as an adjective, but it is the absolutely _perfect_ name for his child. Maybe he just looked at her and _knew_.

True, True's staring at her cards like a Grendler sniffing fresh human blood. He's _cheating _right now, hello? She's smarter than Walman and Baines combined. He must have a tell, like a finger wiggle or something to tip her off because I refuse to believe that I will have two sets of little girl clothes to scrub clean for the next….three, six, carry the one..._forever._ This is high stakes Texas Fold Em, down and dirty laundry poker, and on no planet, in any _galaxy_, is poker a team sport.

I cannot loose this hand, I hate pruney laundry fingers--

"This is an abomination! You, sir, are a cheater!"

There. That sounded official. So what it if it's _one hand before bed_, and who _cares _if True looks adorable with her hair all loose and tangled…Oh no…no no no no no! She's a decoy, damnit! A mole…his is exactly what Danziger wants- to fluster me with a living example of impending fatherhood doom, a card-counting little succubus just like the one that's going to pop out of my incredibly pregnant wife any second now, and take me to the cleaners. Or vice versa, as the case may be.

"I'm not doin' much of anything at all, Martin."

Liar.

"Can it, Morgan."

Really, John? This is acceptable daughterly behavior? She your kid alright, boy…daddy's little girl? Dear God, the last thing New Pacifica needs is another _me_.

"True."

"Sorry."

Look at that. All he does is say her name and she caves. I'm not scary at all. She'll never listen to a word I say, tiny little Marigold….or Poppy. Dahlia?

Oh, wipe that smirk off your face _Cave Dad_. You're starting to look like Gaal with that damn hair. Why exactly hasn't Devon tied you to the bed and cut it off? And when was the last time you shaved, you look like Robinson Crusoe. Sure it's fine now, but colonists are _not_ going to get the joke…actually, I really should remember to warn you about that, but your enjoying this way to much…I'm feeling forgetful…and look at True, she looks like a cat watching a bird…

This baby is going to eat me _alive_, I'm already powerless against Bess, and Julia and True and, strangely, Magus. I do not need another female bleeding me emotionally dry.

"Yeah, this way, Morgan, when you lose you'll remember it was to a kid."

_Alonzo._

"True sure can get those clothes dirty, can't you, girl?"

Oh sure, Danziger, like it's all kittens and roses. Like the little bottom feeder isn't the bane of your existence, a mouth to feed, a walking heart attack, a constant source of worry- and that _scream. _I hear it in my sleep, God, my constitution cannot take that kind of upheaval…all day, all night where's little Lily? Lily's nice, definitely an L name, Laura, Lisa-- no, Bess wants a flower.

_Bess. _

Where is that swollen little hairball? She _absolutely_ sent True in here to shake me up. She's in on it! Well, I mean, of course she's in on the _baby_, or vice versa, as the case may be. The last thing I need right now is more suspense--

"Oh for God Sakes, Cameron, just flip the damn thing!"

There's no use postponing the inevitable, I'm gonna loose, I'm gonna loose bad. The Ghost of Twelve-Year-Olds Yet to Come over there has a royal straight flush, she has _five _aces, and I'm just supposed to sit here and take it, like I'm not already listening for Bess to scream at me for _pickles_…or a foot massage or to tell me her water just broke!

An eight! Okay, that's no so bad, I have another one of those…and my twos. Two pairs is _nothing_, I'm gonna be washing Danziger's underwear for, no seriously…three, six carry the one…ninety- seven days.

Look at True, she's made of _stone, _and Father Knows Best is all shankin' is not natural, this kind of symbiosis. Definitely a lack of maternal influences going on over there. I'll be he didn't even brush his teeth until Devon moved in…maybe a bachelor pad is for the best…it's only a matter of time before our bedroll is embroidered with unicorns and rainbows and Bess is singing the alphabet at _oh five hundred. _Little Larkspur, Leilani- Lilac's pretty- will have me wrapped around her chubby little fingers! Definitely leaning towards Lilac…

"Well, gee, Martin…wouldya look at that…"

That bastard. _Danziger. _And that little…demon child…his _henchgirl_…a full shankin' house?

Laundry has a pretty ring to it. We might as well just call her Laundry Martin.


	2. Rough Edges

a/n: This ficlet is rated M. Like, for real. It's decidedly not as racy as some of the fics out there, but I'm all about fair warning. Oh yeah, and it's D/D. :)

* * *

Rough Edges (Better Safe Than Sorry)

We're going to get caught, sooner or later.

It's not as if everyone doesn't already know, but there's a big difference between the group knowing we're intimate and actually _catching_ us en flagrante…I cannot even imagine the consequences of a member your crew sneaking up on this, never mind Uly or True, though they're accounted for, I think, ten times over. Bess has them, they're helping her make space for the baby…_Dear God…_

I should have thrown you up on the dash of the Roanoke right then and there, the second I saw you…I…why the hell did we wait so long to do this? Don't you ever, ever stop…

"Damnit, John…"

You know, don't you? You know, as much as I love you, as much as I love your temper and your shoulders and the fingers on your right hand, I hate that you can do this to me-

"Do you understand me?"

Did I say that? I just said that…God, sex babbling, that's bad, that…Jesus…that's your area of expertise. That mouth of yours, that mouth…your mouth is what has us here in the sand, rolling in the infinitesimal dust that constantly invades every crevice of the dorm with the constant traffic to and from the beach…Uly had it in his ears this afternoon. His ears_…_

That mouth…you've never had much luck keeping it shut. It wasn't right around the kids, I couldn't…I can't deal with wanting you and hiding from them. True's curious- _that mouth…_we're better off shaking sand from our clothes or in the cab of the 'Rover, no…that was dangerous, we _cannot_ ride together anymore…anything, God, the pantry...anything that gets me _this_.

"I read you loud and clear, Boss."

Smartass...damnit, Danziger! I miss fighting, I miss taking control of the situation….this is too...perfect, this is…your hair is…when did it get so long? It's wild, you're _wild, _God, John, New Pacifica's our _home. _

Thank god you shaved.

"Jesus, Dev!"

That didn't hurt you. I hear everything in your voice…that growl has everything _but_…surprise, resentment, broiling lust, you're not to hard to figure out yourself, you know…rough edges, rough sex…hair-pulling's fair play. That's what I miss, I miss fair play…

"Too rough?"

I miss your perfect nose. Not that Julia didn't set it almost flawlessly, but I'll always see the dent of Uly's triple run hit, you made me kiss it better…kiss it better…

The crooked nose leads the way, always searching, always scenting and tickling, always…tongue next, always the same, always tasting, lapping, probing.

"Get up here, Goddamnit...John..."

"You're…the boss."

I don't…I'm not, I _am _the boss, I…Jesus, kiss me already, quit teasing. Shut your shankin' mouth...that bottom lip….follows the tongue, trailing, nursing, True's curious, you can't…we don't need anymore _marks_!

"What the hell, Adair?"

That was hard, that was too hard, poor baby, poor John…it's your own fault. _You _do this to me, and there'll never be a shortage of hair on that head of yours--

"I'm the boss!"

That mouth….that mouth, that tongue. I never knew, God, I swear I never knew what making love was, I never knew before you, how it felt to sleep with someone so hot-blooded I kick away the covers…all that can be learned by talking in the dark, your smell, your chest, the taste of myself…

"Quit it."

Where the hell do you think your…so easy? You're giving up so easily?

"Oh please, Danziger, you're gonna cry over a little-"

"I don't like it."

What are you…it's _okay_, I was only teasing, John, I was only teasing-

"John, I was only teasing…I'm sorry."

"I'll let you call the shots, okay? Just cool it."

Kiss it better, kiss it better, kiss it better…this is something, something awful...something _else_…John Danziger you just keep unfolding like a flower, you're mythic, you're feline, nine lives and an odyssey of tribulations…_kiss it better_…

The nose and the tongue and the lips, retreating, admitting defeat...relax, let me…let me, I'll do anything you want, John. I'll give you anything you need, John, I understand…somehow…not at all, I _understand_ John.

"Do you understand me?"

"I understand, John."

Too many clothes, always, Danziger, with the buckles and the belts and the loops…too many secrets.

"You're the boss."


	3. Token

Token (Hindsight Being Twenty/Twenty)

It's shit or get off the pot time, pal.

Check your pocket, check your pocket. Still there…where the hell _are_ you, Alonzo?

I've never thought I'd live to see the day, Flyboy, but you've somehow managed to hang on to that smart, beautiful woman waitin' on the beach and you're an ass for bein' late…It shouldn't be so hard to find a groom on the big day, even if you do have to make good on a certain bet you struck with the crew that first month planet side…I think it went somethin' like _I don't see myself tying the knot, not any time this century _…

It's more like cold feet, I s'pose.

It makes sense, you're not just commitin' yourself to Julia, but to a life on the ground. It's one thing to stay on G889, but it's another to tie yourself to someone who has no intentions on leavin.'…it's somethin' special, you and Jules…it's a luxury not everyone can afford…not everyone _deserves_…I asked El twice…_twice..._I'll never know_,_ third time might've been the charm...I would have done it, too.

I guess everyone's Prince Charmin,' after the fact.

But there wouldn't have been cold feet, I'll tell you that much, Lonz…that's a luxury for men who have never lost something' worth losin'…but we're different men…I was always more of a planter than a farmer. You've spent your life tearin' the roots from the soil, tillin' the landscape, driftin' like pollen. It's about time you stuck around to reap what you've sowed.

Now's as good a time as any to hit the ground.

Or the sand, to be more specific. Where you shoulda been ten minutes ago…Julia's not really one to stand on tradition but she deserves to make the grand entrance, she deserves a lot more than you give her most of time, you lucky bastard, and if you wuss out now I swear I'll start shovin'…hell, True'll start shovin'…in fact--where the hell _are _you, Lonz?--I'm pretty sure there'll be a line of people to waitin' to get a shot in…

"Hey, Lonzo!"

I know these dorms like the back of my hand, the windin' pre-fab hallways that simulate privacy, out of sight but never out of earshot, not with such flimsy materials…it's the sounds you want to hide that travel…the whispers and the sighs, the zippers bein' unzipped, marital discord, singin' in the shower, the little stuff that reminds us all we're never, ever, _ever_ alone. The sooner we get through building the damn hospital, the better-

"Let's go, man! Front and center!"

Your room- empty, the meeting space- empty, barrack stalls- empty…tell me your not _hiding, _second thoughts I can understand but this is juvenile, this is cruel and unusual…Julia's got flowers in her hair, man, she's stunning and she's yours, and she's starting to panic. _I'm _starting to panic…this is bullshit, this is not my job…I'm the Best Man, I'm supposed to know where you are…

"Alonzo, LET'S GO."

Check your pocket, John, check you pocket…always holes in the weirdest pl--still there. Good.

"I'm coming! Jesus…"

The pantry? The pantry…and what's with the attitude? Not exactly the compunction I had in mind, you cheeky sonofa--

"What the hell are you doing, Lonz? C'mon, your girl's starting to realize what a dip shit she's planning to marry…fifteen minutes ago…this is one of those times when punctuality is mandato…"

No shankin' way.

"Your stuffin' your face? Your bride is waiting for you to show up and prove everythin' that she's ever heard about you _wrong,_ and you're stealing a snack? Lonz, c'mon, man…"

Oh.

Okay, so I get it, you're terrified…you look absolutely terrified, and this _is_ my job, I guess, to fix this so we can all move on. Best Man, my ass, I can think of at least five people sittin' down on that beach who would be better at this than me…but I'm here, and you look _absolutely terrified._

Check your pock-- Good.

"Wait'll you see her, Lonz…" you're more skittish than True's koba… "Julia's waitin' for you…" blink if you can hear me… "It's time."

Okay, male-bonding one-oh-one-check, shoulder pat- check, tell it like it is- check…your pocket, John.

"Hey, listen, I know this is a big thing…I mean, I just want to tell you that I couldn't be happier, for both of you…and I, um…well, I feel privileged that you wanted me to stand up with you today, man, and I wanted to give you these. Call it the official Danziger seal of approval."

Big hands, small pockets, small…gottem, good, say the right thing, say the right thing, say the right thing…

"Um…The metal came from somethin' in the Martin's stash…Morgan says it's platinum but it melted more like a titanium alloy if you ask me…"

Say something else, something _helpful…_

"True did the little stuff, the etchin,' she got Elle's artistic eye, I guess…" Closer, getting closer, John, say the right thing, say the right thing… "We wanted something to show how much you guys mean to us…"

Hand em over, say the right thing, nothin' special but they're pretty little rings, I hope you don't lose 'em- or each other- I hope they don't turn your fingers green…I hope you don't blow this whole thing, right here, and send me back to tell Julia that you won't go through with it…cowboy up, buddy! Show 'em what you're made of…show that brilliant doctor of yours just how much she means…

Um…

Do you like them? Do you hate them? Say the right thing… is this an imposition? Am I making everything too real?

"I just…._we_, um…wanted to give you two somethin' special on your day, to remind you how much you mean to each other."

Say somethin,' Lonz, anythin'…take a swing at me or lets get this show on the road…

"John, they're beautiful."

You're makin' fun of me, aren't you? They're clumsy, they're cheap lookin' and stupid, this whole idea was _stupid_, wasn't it? I blew it-

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They're perfect, thank you so much…I just…"

Don't you dare say second thoughts…this whole damn time you and Jules have survived together, you've flourished together, you grew up, Lonz, and Julia learned how to be a kid again…she needs you to show her that, when she forgets, not just True or Uly, not just anyone, Solace, she chose you….

"I'm having second thoughts."

Say the right thing, say the right thing, John…say what you're thinkin' for once, and not just whatever you can squeeze out of your mouth, _say something_…

"Well, stop."

Sarcasm isn't helpful, it's a defense, don't run defense, damnit- Fly Boy's on defense, you're offense, you have to say the right goddamned _thing_…for shank's sake, open you mouth, John, just say it already-

"Lonz, I've known you a long time, now…through thick and thin and back again…and I know you trust me. You've shown me that trust, and I think this is the time when I gotta repay the favor, so just listen, okay? This is what I have to say…"

Radio silence, again, radio silence...is he listening? I feel like Devon when I sneak off and leave my gear unit on my pillow, I feel _incommunicado_, as Mazatl likes to say…I…Devon's getting ideas, don't make us _all_ look bad, that's what Martin's here for, don't go yellow on me now!

"You're a different person than the guy who crashed here, Solace. Don't go lookin' for what you had, cause you're not gonna find it. Stop brooding over what you left behind and think about what you have here. Think about Julia…what would you do without her? It hurts, how much you love her, I know…I _know_, Lonz, but trust me when I tell you need to go down there and hold her close to you and show her how much you do, 'cause she's _here_ for you. And she makes your heart race, she still does, I can see it when you're together. You need to remember two things right now, because they're all that matter, okay?"

"Okay…"

"You need to remember that- all those months ago, hell _years_- back when this whole thing was new and dangerous…back when there wasn't a single thing about her that drove you nuts, no fights, no familiarity…back when we pitched that spare tent and left her behind…you didn't last twenty-four hours without Julia. Even back then, you laid it all out on the line."

I see it, a smile…well, more like a hint of a smile, like the first green growth of Bess' tomato plants peeking through the soil…I know you're in there, Lonz, I know you're comin' around…

"The second thing might be conjecture…I don't like bein' the one to say it but it needs to be said. You ready?"

"Yeah, I'm ready."

We'll see.

"You are never gonna to find another person- not on this planet and not in the entire galaxy- who will mean as much as Julia does to you. You're a marked man, Solace. No matter where you go or who you meet, you'll always be lookin' for her. She's it for you, Pal, or you would never have made it this far. You know it."

There's more than one way to love a person, I s'pose…men aren't programmed for _forever_, it's not every woman that sweeps them off their feet, and even less who inspire any thought of…permanency…

"If you blow this now, if you decide to leave her behind, then every time you close your eyes…every time you fall asleep, every time you see someone with blonde hair or hear a woman laugh, Lonz, Julia will be there…"

So you've got the heart of a Sleep Jumper, you've been around, you've never had a _home_…none of it matters…not anymore, I know it's true…a world of debt and a migrant soul could never drag me away for her, not for very long…she made me stupid and tame…she…Lonz, can't you see your children in Julia's eyes? Make her yours before you see her staring back at you through someone else's--

"She'll haunt you, Solace. She's the one. So snap the shank out of it." Keep it together, you pansy… "Because she's waitin' for you."

Shut your mouth, not another word, not one more _syllable_….you an asshole, John, you're a giant, cumbersome, stupid, tactless asshole…you're about as reassuring as a hull breach, moron…_moron…_you were supposed to say the _right_ thing!

"You're right."

You sarcastic piece of…oh, oh! I was right…wait, how the hell was that _right? _

"Let's go, Danz, we're late. Stop dickin' around, my girl's waiting."

Oh…huh. I said the right thing.


	4. Lullabye

Lullabye (Out of Sight, Out of Mind)

Nobody here knows this but me, but my dad is a really good singer.

I know it sounds silly, and I've only really heard him do it a few times…but when I was little- when he would sing me lullabies to cover the clinking sound of our messed up bio-vent or the people in the next unit over screaming at each other- he would sing for real...messin' with the freelance repairs he'd take on for the rainy day fund- the soyburger and vid arcade fund, really- he would sing soldier songs and navy songs...old earth folksongs and someone called The Boss and another guy he called Old Blue Eyes.

He would sing way after I fell asleep, except I didn't. I couldn't.

I always wanted to hear what song would come next...t never put me to bed but it always meant a good night, cause that's when he was the best, when he thought I was sleeping…when the songs would become mysterious, not ever sad, really, but sometimes…even when I wasn't sure what the words really meant, I could tell that the songs made my dad melancholy…that's a word Bess taught me, and even though I sound like some Station-baby snob when I say it out loud, it is a pretty good word…it sounds like my dad sounds, singin' Waltzing Matilda, like she was the one who broke his heart and not Eleanor Moor.

I could always hear it in his voice, the moment when he'd finished thinking about the events of the day, and could finally remember her again.

It's too hot to sleep, and even all the bugs and kobas are quiet with the heat. At least we have the new condensers. Bein' able to drink cold water, whenever we want, makes just about everything better…Dad's lips aren't always chapped all the time and Bess can take as many baths as she wants…her tummy is _huge_, and if you put your hands there and talk to the baby you can feel her kick…I wonder if Dad ever felt me kick? And I kinda wonder what it feels like, from the inside…to have a little person trying to punch its way out…Bess says it's not as scary as it sounds, and that it's amazing to know her baby already can recognize the sound of her voice…Dad used to say that I didn't miss my mom because when he met me for the first time, I decided he was my Mommy Bird, and that was it…he's not just saying that to make himself feel better, either, because I _didn't_ miss her, not really…not until we came here, anyway…

Dad said that whoever picked out the prefab materials for the dorms--and he looked right at Devon with his angry eyebrows when he said it--should have paid for something more substantial than tissue and spit. He's right, because even here in the meeting room you can hear everything that's happening…usually, if you get up for some water, you can hear the guys playing after hours Laundry Poker in Walman's room, or Bess and Morgan murmuring too soft to really hear.

Tonight it's too hot…everyone's gone to bed, and even Uly's too lazy for VR…I guess I thought I'd like having my own unit more than I do…it's stupid, I know, I'm almost thirteen, but I guess I'm not used to having privacy…I've never lived anywhere where my dad and I didn't share a bunk…and I'm glad that I can spread out now and don't have to deal with him snoring and mumbling and hogging the covers, but I don't…I just…I guess I didn't count him giving Devon my spot…not so soon, anyhow…

I can actually refill my mug--it hasn't gotten old yet, and I kinda think that being alone in the meeting room- smack in the middle of everything- hearing all sorts of sounds that are other people doing private stuff, must be what it's like for Bess and Morgan's baby.

So I guess, in a way--Yale calls it a metaphor--me being here now, listening to the unmistakable rhythm of what can only be Dad singing through the tissue and spit walls, I can imagine that I'm not old enough for my own room…that Dad's trust in me isn't entirely unselfish…that I'm safe inside Eleanor Moor, and my Mommy Bird is just outside waiting…hoping to feel me kick.

I'm pretty sure that if I fall asleep at all tonight, I'm gonna have to get back up to pee, but for now it's back to my big, comfy cot. Even if we're not bunking together anymore, it's nice to know Dad's can't sleep either, like we're sharing a secret…the only two night owls left…

I can tell from the sound of his voice that Devon is asleep, and he's remembered Mom again…


	5. Sampson and Delilah

Sampson and Delilah (Hell Hath No Fury...)

"Honestly! You're being a baby!"

_I think it looks fine, I mean, yes, it may be a bit...shorter than he's used to, and I did only mean to...I mean, trim is a relative term, and once I started...I...  
_

"Jesus, Bess! I'm practically bald!"

_I just couldn't stop…shit on a shingle, he looks like a baby chick._

"Just think, you'll be so much cooler! In fact, with Lilac on the way I'm thinking of cutting mine, too. Just chopping it right off!"

_Poor choice of words! Stupid! We could have done without the chop, Bess Martin…he's right, it's waaay too short, okay, um, positives, positives...__It's not that it's too short, I mean, it's obviously, definitely way too short, but sometimes a little change does a person good, and it's too damn hot for this and I am definitely too pregnant. Pregnant ladies shouldn't be trusted cutting hair! Only you, John…only you would grumble in here all embarrassed and ask me to do this with that golden retriever expression…_

"It's all…poofy! You have _long_ _curly hair_, Lady, that's why I asked _you_ in the first place. Goddamnit…it's shorter than Uly's."

_Don't you dare growl at me, John Danziger!_

"Don't you _dare_ growl at me, John Danziger, I was trying to help! And stop taking the Lord's name in vain! For Pete's sake, you were starting to look like a vagrant! It's just hair, it'll grow back!"

"Why are you harassing my wi--oh, God!"

_Oh God, Morgan, pleasepleaseplease shut your mouth…_

"Shit fire. This is _just _perfect…go ahead Martin, get it out of your system."

_Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy power to smite my husband mute…_

"Are you insane? Why would you ask a homicidally pregnant woman to cut your hair?"

_Morgan!_

"Morgan!"

"Too little too late, Man."

"We are the enemy, Danziger- I'm sorry, Honey- we are playing for the _wrong team _right now, okay? I love you so much, you're so beautiful- and while I am clearly the one biologically responsible- Little Lilac, our tiny bundle of joy!- anyone with the right plumbing can clearly tell that she's- Ha! Glowing!- a walking time bomb!"

_Our father, who art in heaven, hallowed by thy power to smite my husband dead…_

"Smooth, Martin. Real smooth."

"Morgan Horatio Martin, I swear by all the saints! I have never in my life seen a man so terrified to be a father."

_You're a miserable husband, too, when you work yourself up into these tizzies and it's not fair to me--_

"You're hurting my feelings, Morgan."

_You are, you _are! _I'm the one who should be scared, I'm due to squeeze a watermelon out of a keyhole any moment now and I blubber at the drop of a hat and people still expect me to cut their hair and I want my husband to be strong! And reassuring once in a blue moon, I want him to kiss my belly and smell my skin and rub my feet without acting like he's shackled to a whale!_

"Bess, I-"

"What he meant to say, Bess, is that you should be restin'…"

_I swear to God, John, if you weren't such an ogre you would have forgiven my husband his many flaws two damn years ago and you would be helping me turn him into a decent father, instead of forcing me to referee every time your in the same shankin' room!_

"Don't defend him, Danziger, don't you dare start now!"

"I'm not. He's actin' like a spineless, inconsiderate ass,"

_Amen._

"I'm just sayin' that we all should been askin' what we can do for you, today, not the other way around…"

…_maybe not an ogre…but the two of you were doing so well there, for a while, back when we were building that I was sure you'd finally buried the hatchet…this damn dorm is like the Bio-Dome all over again, maybe we really aren't a compatible group of people, every time we stay put we're at each other's throats…_

"My hair looks great, Bess…really, now that I'm past the shock I think it's just what I needed."

_Only you, John… _

"And it'll give True-Girl a break with that comb of hers. And I'm sure Dev'll like it, too, she's been buggin' me to clean myself up before that damn ship gets here…"

_Only you could sit there tugging on that crooked, horrible haircut and apologize for nothing- and manage to look ten times more remorseful than Morgan ever has…_

"Heck, I'm cooler already. I reckon you saved the day, all around."

_Bless me father, for I have sinned. Again. I'm having thoughts about another man, Again. Technically, the same one, but I think that might be worse--_

"If it's all the same, I think I'll collect our laundry before I go. It's not right takin'-"

"Leave them, John. My _husband_ still owes you ninety-four washes. You won them fair and square, and _I'm_ keeping track…and I think it would be wise if he did some of it now and gave me some peace and quiet."

"B-Bess, I didn't--"

"Not another word, Morgan. Go!"

"But Bess, I--"

"Save it for later, Martin. Give 'er some space."

_You'd better run, Morgan. And you'd better not come back until you've figured out that nothing else in your whole life is ever going to be about _you_._

"C'mere and sit down, Bess…have some water. C'mon, now."

_Sometimes the universe is just cruel, waving around a prize like John Danziger… someone who gets things done until his head hits the pillow; who's never shirked a responsibility in his life, even when fate came around and plopped a baby in his lap-_

"There ya go. You know, he's just scared, is all. Once he sees how pretty you look holdin' his baby girl, he'll be a new man, you'll see. The vidbooks all say that even though women nest for nine months, fathers aren't all that good at bondin' until the baby's born. We're a miserable, useless, chicken shit lot until, then. Guess it's in our DNA."

_Why John Danziger, you just keep unfolding like a flower…_

"You read books before True?"

"Never met an instruction manual I didn't like."

"Oh, Danziger...I'm sorry to be such a mess, these mood swings are worse than Spring Fever."

"Shh. Why don't you take a little nap, Bess. You need anythin,' you buzz me on gear, okay?"

"It's just that, I know he's terrified, and I know he'll be a great father for Lilac, I don't doubt him John, I just…"

"You're scared, too. Makes sense."

"I just wish I he wasn't so distant. This is supposed to be our special moment, now, to be just the two of us for the last time. To be excited together and make plans and imagine little fingers and toes and make sure that this baby is born into love, you know?"

"Uh…yeah, that…that sounds like the way it should be."

_Oh John, I didn't mean- I didn't _think_…you know exactly how it feels, don't you, to do this all by yourself?_

"I'm just gonna, um…you need anything, you know where to find me, okay?"

_God, Morgan's insensitive but it could be worse, it could be so much worse…we're together, and we've made a home here, and I'm being silly and it's so damn hot…_

"John, actually…do you have a second or two?"

"Yeah, sure. Shoot."

"I was wondering if you could give me a trim?"


	6. Two Cents

Two Cents (Ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies)

Morgan and Dad are fighting again.

"There's a tributary a mile north of here! One mile, Danzig-"

"We're building the damn wheel here, Martin! I'm not clutterin' up this riverbank with two shankin' miles of the equipment we'd need to gather the damn _eco-friendly _power in the first place!"

"But, ascetically, honestly-"

"Enough! No one asked for your two cents, Martin. And don't you dare go cryin' to your exhausted wife. _You _deal with me, and I said _no_."

Wow.

This one's really got him pissed. We're all on edge, lately, and it's not just cause it's hot and building New Pacifica is taking _forever._ It's not the 'cabin fever' kinda pissed off that's got Alonzo all twitchy and Matzatl and Cameron caught in a silent feud over the heat conductors. It's more like a worried pissed off.

Bess' baby still doesn't wanna come out, and Julia thinks she should maybe operate. Bess refuses. And Bess is _mad_…Devon says she wants to have the baby naturally, like how they used to on Earth, which means no pain block or muscle relaxers or anything, no matter how long it takes. Yale says that sometimes having a baby can take three whole days, but I think it was hyperbole. That's another Yale word. It can't really take seventy-two whole hours to squeeze a baby out, can it?

Julia says Bess' hormones are making her a little bit nuts, kinda like when she and Dad smelled that flower. She says sometimes being pregnant does that to women, and that Bess is just worried that something bad could happen. She didn't tell me what though.

Devon says that it's Bess' decision and we should all respect it, but that's the same thing she said the first time, and Bess almost jumped off a cliff.

I can tell my dad's just as nervous as Julia…more than Morgan, even, but Devon says I shouldn't worry. She says Dad worries about everything.

"Dad?"

He's gonna snap that breaker fuse if he keeps going at it with the pliers like that.

"Hmm?"

"What's two cents?"

"A suggestion I didn't ask for, that's what."

"Oh."

Julia says that, if she had the right equipment, she would be able to see exactly what was goin' on inside Bess' belly. Of course, no one was supposed to have a baby on this trip, even before we crashed. She says if she had the right medicine, she would give it to Bess and it would help the baby come right out, but she doesn't have the stuff she needs to make it. Yale told me and Uly that, on the stations, if something happens to a baby still inside its mother, that doctors just go right in and take it out. It sounded gross, but he said it was just as safe as having a baby the regular way. Safer even, for the mom.

Bess says she's gonna have the baby the way God intended, and that's that.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"I thought it was money. Like, old Earth money. Like Uly's nickel."

Yale says a nickel was worth five cents and that, when Commander Broderick's was made, you could buy all sorts of things with it. He says one hundred cents made a dollar, which was kinda like a credit, but we don't use cents anymore. On the Stations, you couldn't even buy a Gum-Blaster for one credit.

"It is. It's money you can't get nothin' for. S'useless. Like Morgan's opinion."

"Oh."

Morgan thinks Bess should let Julia do her operation. He tried to make it sound like it was a good idea, but it only made Bess cry. I don't think it was his fault, though. Bess is always crying, lately.

"Dad?"

"_What_, True?"

"Nevermind."

"M'sorry, Baby."

Not as sorry as he's gonna be when he strips that fuse. He looks tired…I never know when he sleeps anymore. When I get up he's always awake, and when I go to bed, in my own unit, he's usually still workin'. Only Devon knows, I guess.

"I'm cranky."

This isn't cranky.

"Whatcha wanna know?"

"You're real worried about Bess, huh?"

Sometimes when Dad looks at me I remember being on the Stations, just the two of us. Dad always used to say I could read his brain sometimes, and he didn't like it one bit. But he always smiled so I knew that secretly, he did.

"Yeah. I am, Sport."

We're all pretty much getting our information from Julia…one at a time like we're gonna get in trouble for asking. I wonder if she tells us all the same thing. I wonder what she told my dad this morning that's making him hug me now. No matter how much I grow, my dad can still hide his expression when I'm tucked under his arm.

"Julia says the baby's not moving much, anymore."

I figure he knows that much.

"She says that's not a good sign."

"Nah. Could mean lots of things."

He knows he's not fooling me, just like I know from his voice that whatever Julia told him isn't the same thing she told me and Uly…and that he's probably angry at Julia for tellin' me _that _much.

"Bess is a strong lady, True. She's gonna be fine."

"What about Lilac?"

I wonder if my dad had my name picked out before he met me…if he thought of me as a person already the way we all think of Bess' baby. I wonder if that's why he's a little shakey…because I called her by her name.

"We don't know, Sweetheart. Julia has no way of knowin'."

"Until she comes out?"

"Yeah."

When my dad pets my hair, it reminds me of my favorite kitty toy that I still kept even when I got big. I even took it with me, but it got burned up on the Roanoke just like everything else. I still wish I could sleep with it sometimes, just to remember what it was like.

"Do you think Bess should let Julia take her out?"

"Yeah, I do. I think it's the right thing."

Dad usually knows the right thing…it makes me feel a little bit better about all the icky parts, just to know Dad isn't scared about what's probably gonna end up happening. just as soon as Morgan and Julia can get Bess to see reason.

"How come?"

I don't expect my dad to really answer me…not so fast, and not like he really means it.

"It's how I got you, True-Girl."

Dad just keeps petting, and I feel kinda stupid that I hadn't figured that out by now. I guess you can't have a baby if you can't push. I wonder if my dad had to make the same decision that Bess doesn't want to…

"Maybe you should tell Bess that, Dad. Maybe you could help Morgan convince her."

That fuse isn't gonna repair itself, I suppose, though I wish we could sit here a little longer, just me and my Dad. Talkin'.

"Nah. S'none of my business."

I wonder how many cents you have to save up before its enough to say something important.


	7. A Bird in the Hand

A Bird in the Hand…(…and the Bees)

"Uly's been askin' me questions."

The puff of his sleep-shallow breath rustles my bangs, tickling my nose and startling me…I was so close to being** close** to asleep. When I don't immediately answer I hear a single snore, quickly followed by the shifting of knees and shoulders as John fusses himself awake.

The man always fights it. No matter how tired he is when his head hits the pillow.

"Shhh, John. T'morrow."

He's worse than Uly ever was.

"Mmmmkay…"

God, he's like a boa constrictor…that I ever got used to sleeping with a human blanket is still a bit unreal. That I'd ever be here with John Danziger- naked as the day he was born and clutching me like his greatest possession- is somehow easier to accept…

Still sometimes…

"Questions 'bout what?" I feel the length of him jump…I don't really feel bad- he started it…the next topic of garbled conversation…

…and tighter, pulling me along as he rolls lethargically onto his back. He always brings me with him, as though if he doesn't have a firm grip he'll send me onto my ass on the floor. It's happened once before- I wonder if he's ever sent True flying- a nightmare he said, but I could read the expression on his face as clear as day.

The Terrians have been trying to talk with him more and more…and John, he's…not exactly_ receptive_…

Even half-asleep I'm delivered smoothly to the crook of his shoulder. I weigh nothing to him. His permanently paint-stained hand cradles my head like an infant.…I'm never even jostled, being swept up by those paternal hands. He told me once that he used to shake just to hold her, terrified that his infant would somehow slip his grasp, but he grew into it, the elemental second sense…just as True must have learned to sleep like a baby Koba in a human pouch. It'll never leave him, the unconscious urge to protect his most precious possessions…I wonder…has this man ever slept one night in a bed that fit him?

"Capital Q…"

He's so exhausted he sounds drunk- he's an adorable mess when he's drunk, I've come to learn- but I feel his explanation, the gentle flex of his hips that says all everything he's too tired to.

"Oh…" Already? No…he's only eleven…Julia would tell me that I can't schedule biology and she would be right…but…when I was eleven I had no concept of… "I don't think he knows much…"

The harrumph beneath my cheek is equivalent to a small earthquake.

"No shit." Another sigh, and his thumb seeks out the divots in the small of my back, rubbing faint circles.

"He asked you?" He doesn't answer. Economy of energy. "Not Yale?"

The faintest shimmer of chuckle. "Not Yale…" the seconds between his breathy replies are almost enough to me topple into slumber. "Told 'im what he needed t'know."

Of course he did. His shoulder quivers beneath my lips.

"Told 'im what?"

Now I sound drunk...why are we discussing this right now? Why is it never enough for one day…why is there never enough time to plan and build and make love and _talk…_

"How it works."

Another chuckle- this time it's the hair on his chest that tickles my nose. I use his arm to scratch it, my heel gaining purchase on the back of his knee to scoot up higher, tasting his collar bone as I settle into the crook of his neck.

…and tighter to close the distance.

"Mmmm… but whaddid you say?"

He's down for the co- damnit, no...his Adam's apple tickles my goddamn nose.

"Same thing I told True," the words stir us into motion again, and we come to rest face to face- his crooked nose brushing and nuzzling until it's resting against my own, the itch scratched as though he can read my mind…sometimes I think he can he can- "just the facts…the right words…" barely more than an exhalation "...responsibility…"

Of course he did.

"You mad?" His fingers graze my spine and fall still. He's still…still and finally, blessedly asleep.

How could I be angry?


	8. Monkey See, Monkey Do

Monkey See, Monkey Do (All That Glitters is Not Gold)

"OWW! What the - are you INSANE?"

Owwowwowwoww - shanking OW! He just stabbed me! John Goddamn Danziger just stabbed me with a-

"Did it hurt?"

"Of COURSE it hurt!"

You sonofabitch, what kind of a question is that? Um, did it hurt? I've been run-through! It's bad enough that Bess is forcing me to do this and that the big ape is palming my newborn daughter's skull in that giant paw of his like it's a pumpkin. Now he's stabbing people? Two hands! Two hands on my newborn, you Neanderthal!

"Good. That was the point. You remember that when you're wavin' these pins around your daughter's backside."

"Okay! I get it, I'll be careful with the pins! Two hands, Danziger! Listen, it would really mean a lot to me if you could _please _not drop my child on her head. Bess just trusted me to be alone with her like, five minutes ago, and the second she fell asleep it was like someone flipped the switch on a poop machine and—"

"Relax, Martin. You're doin' fine."

I'll relax when I make it through this alive! And besides, it's more like _you're_ doing fine, Daddy Dearest. You're the one swinging my progeny around like a papa orangutan while she gurgles like she's glad to be rid of me! She hasn't made a peep!

"This little baby girl is full and sleepy and perfectly safe, isn't she? Isn't she?"

Wow, Danziger speaking baby talk is just…super creepy. Really creepy. Bess says he'll be good for me and I guess she's right, it's just- out of courtesy could he not rub it in my face by being so damn good with her? This day one- DAY ONE- and Lilac's already got her doubts about me! All I get is _cry, cry, cry_ and _eat_ and _burp_ and who's that strange man who can't stop shaking like a fool? The bumbling moron my mom seems to like so much? He calls himself Daddy and I HATE him-

"Pay attention, Morgan. Next time you're up."

Okay, I'm watching, taking mental notes…

Step one: Unfold the diaper. Check - um, I mean, Step one: Don't stab the baby with the pins. Check. Then the unfolding thing…and then wait, no, with one hand? Really?

"Easy, Danziger! She's an infant, not some sort of sports…ball."

Oh, don't roll your eyes at me!

"She's not gonna break. Look at her, she's enjoyin' it…"

Yeah, and for some reason you are, too, which quite frankly boggles my mind considering that the smell alone is-

"…and if she gets fussy while you're cleanin' her up you can always make a silly face…"

More like scary! Scary face! Good God, is she _smiling_?

"…or sing 'er a little song…"

Is this really happening to me? Pleasedontsing, pleasedontsi-

"Yeah, those are all things that babies like, right Lilac?"

Okay, okay, Pins: check. Unfold: check. Wipe: check. Scary face or song:check. And then, hold on, wait-

"Whoa, whoa, slow down! Wait, it goes right then left?"

"Yeah, under over. Like you're packin' a picnic lunch."

After my first glimpse of what will be waiting for me in that diaper for the next..._ever_, I might never eat lunch again, actually.

"Just make sure it's good and snug…and then you _carefully _take the pins…and…you've got a diapered baby. That's that."

Oh, don't look at me like you just build the Great Wall of Saturn! It's a diaper! I will admit you possess a certain _finesse_, but - I'll get it, it's just a matter of time. And I'm grateful, okay? Now give me my damn baby before I get a complex.

"We've got it now, don't we, baby?"

I'm totally lying, but look at that face! You're precious, you're everything…and thank God you're the spitting image of your mommy cause the hair could have gone either way.

"Lilac and I will be juuuust fine."

If I didn't know better, I'd say John Danziger is jealous! Ha! At least he took time the time to wash those grease stained mitts of his beforehand, but I don't know how I feel about those gigantic appendages…petting my baby girl like she's the latest addition to some pack of wolves! She does seem to like it when he tickles her cheek though…why isn't she scared that he's gonna smoosh her? Damnit! Can't I be the Alpha Male, just once? She is my child, after all.

"Yeah, you guys'll be fine…"

Gee, thanks for the vote of confidence.

"You're daddy has no idea how much he's gonna love you, little girl."

Okay, didn't see that…um...didn't see that coming. I mean, I've seen my fair share of Danziger's weak moments, but I'm pretty sure I've never heard him speak so honestly. Not to Devon…not even to True, but I'm starting to think I might not have been paying much attention. I mean, it's natural that a child born of Martin and Klempt DNA would be a heartbreaker on delivery, of course, but this is different. Maybe Bess was right about the big oaf…I mean, he's done all this before, right? And he's a moron! In fact, not only did he survive it, but he was just up to his elbows in poop and it's obvious that he'd do it again in a heartbeat! I hate to admit it but, setting aside the utter terror that swells in my gut at the possibility of future Danziger/Adair offspring…

John is a Parenting Oracle. Oh my God. I've got no leverage. He owns me, now.

"How did you learn how to do all this, Danziger?"

And is there a book I can read that will save me from all your...goodwill? He's already on his way to the door, _smirking_…Good Lord, he's got me by the balls. Maybe it's not even that, maybe he's just fondly remembering firsthand all the horrors that await me. All I know is he's being way too accommodating lately. Eerily accommodating.

"The hard way, Man."

Yeah, no kidding. Wow, I totally believe him. This is going to suck. I'm kidding, she's so beautiful…but whoa, I'm gonna need so much _help. _And that's not even including the help I already need for pretty much everything else.

Well, at least now I've got the basics. And Bess has got the boobs, so between the two of us we should have Lilac's bodily functions covered for at least a few weeks…I can do this. I can do this! I mean, if Danziger figured it out, then…

I wonder if John ever jabbed True in the butt with a safety pin.

On the other hand, this little lady's grip is already surprisingly strong…Oh no. What if he meant it the other way around? What if the safety pin assault was a cautionary tale…


End file.
